Aren’t we all the real smooth cultural ninjas?
The cultural gap between westerners and Chinese becomes sometimes very pronounced. I have never met anyone who would even imagine denying the existence of this gap. On the contrary, the importance of respecting cultural differences is repeated like religious mantra. Not a single executive or manager (with at least a small portion of political survival instinct) would be caught dead being anything less than extremely culturally sensitive.
No harm in this. In fact, everyone loves to talk about these differences. We all have a story or two, and we love to share them. Often it is about comical misunderstandings in either direction. We all seem to be in agreement that one should be very observant, sensitive, tolerant, patient – well, you name it – when dealing with any issues that might have a cultural angle. However, I have come to notice something interesting: when dealing with a sensitive situation, most people (including myself) seem to think that they themselves are exempt from the guidelines they so warmly speak of.
A couple of examples are called for.
On the one hand, we often speak very warmly about our Chinese colleagues and friends who are so “western” that it is quite all right to discuss with them, i.e. tell them straight in the face, about everything that is “wrong” or “strange” about China. After all, we are just explaining “how it really is” – no need to get upset.
On the other hand, we allow ourselves to become very upset when we feel that we have been treated wrongly. We rationalize that the situation we were confronted with was totally unfair, lopsided, and without any logic. The counterpart was insensitive, rude, or just acting plain stupidly. Of course we should be forgiven for becoming angry or irritated. After all, in our outburst we are just trying to “correct” the situation – no need (for anyone else) to get upset.
Can you see the pattern emerging here?
I guess this is the same kind of fallacy that is very common among drivers; almost everyone thinks he (yes, most often it is a he) is an above average driver. In the same spirit: we all seem to think that we, personally, are better than the others in coping with cultural gaps. That is, until we find ourselves in a situation, and temporarily drop all that “sensitivity nonsense” in favor of our own “logical reasoning”.
Therefore, before we speak, however true the things we want to say, or correct in principle we think we are, let’s first try to think how we would react if someone told us the same about our country. And on the flip-side, let’s try to be a little bit more forgiving in situations that do not make sense. Let’s try to be a little bit more careful out there: thoughtfulness and patience will take one a long way.
Now, I’m the first to admit that the above advice sounds childish. However, it is the politically correct way to express how to deal with these issues. It is almost like telling children to “play nice”. Further, any of this is hard to remember when suddenly being thrown into a “situation”.
A much simpler rule is to just take a deep breath and think again.
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